briannakocka

The redemptive quality of God is astounding. Here, I have been given almost identical life circumstances; an almost identical set of choices and this time around I am choosing what is Good.

When I was 18 I moved out of my parents house, for fitting my personal motivations by choice, to be part of a worship internship in Kansas City, MO., and instead moved into a tiny studio apartment where my boyfriend proceeded to pretty much live with me. That year, the age of my youth if you will (like I’m so old now), was the year of my “bad choices.” While I will never regret that part of my life, the stories I have, the love I lived and gave and the mistakes that taught me a little more about myself, I willingly admit that I was completely out of God’s will for my life by choosing carnal pleasures instead of eternal bliss.

So here I am. I’m 21 and reflecting on what God has done in the past 3 years. After my year of deliberate carnal living, God restored me by giving me my family in full force, taking care of me while I was emotionally beaten and bruised. He redeemed that part of my life. Next, the deep desire to be part of a worship leadership school was fulfilled. By the providence of God I found The Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies, and everything about it seemed to fit. This time I was not going to pass up the opportunity I was being given. Three years later, God was presenting me with the same options and choices I had when I was 18. It’s a bit ironic really. I have now completed the 8 month program that took place in St. Stephen, New Brunswick, Canada and instead of moving home I now live in Calais, Maine. After moving into my new home, with an amazingly loving family from the church I attend in St. Stephen, I was driving home from a friends in shock, realizing that “tonight I sleep in a room by myself.” The thought of living alone, without roommate, without boyfriend, without Mom or Dad scared the crap out of me. And then I realized, this is God’s redemption. I was given an opportunity to live alone, and I chose to live with my boyfriend instead three years ago. However now, I have the same choices, and I am choosing to embrace the independence in myself in the midst of the dependence I willingly have for God. This is God’s redemption. It’s hard, being reestablished rightly, but it is completely worth the transformation.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God— this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is— his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:1-2